Charleston Chew Vindicated

After reviling the Mini Charleston Chews in my last post the comments were unanimously in support of the candy.

I've been wrong exactly three times in my life, could this be #4? (My wife will get a good laugh from the preceding statement.)

I have no desire to wrongly malign anyone or any candy so on my way home I bought a chocolate and vanilla Charleston Chew.

The ingredient list wasn't inspiring: Corn syrup, Sugar, Vegetable oil, Non-fat dry milk, Cocoa, Lactose, Milk Protein, Egg albumen (?), Artificial flavor, Soya lecithin (?), Soya protein (?), Salt. But this is candy, not health food, so I continued the experiment.

The wrapper suggests they are good cold so I cut each bar in half and put a half in the fridge.

I tried the chocolate first. The chocolate coating tasted about the same but a bit better. The nougat still had the compressed marshmallow texture but it tasted better. And no icky after taste. Remarkably better than the Minis from yesterday.

Next up was vanilla. I was hesitant because the Minis were also vanilla. I was pleasantly surprised to find the vanilla chew to also be pretty good with no weird chemical flavor and nasty after taste like the Minis.

Both flavors were also good chilled as the nougat was now brittle and snapped off when bitten. Indeed they did taste a little better cold.

Charleston Chews did not make it into my top tier candies (that's reserved for Snickers, Kit-Kat, Butterfinger and Twixt), but they've been salvaged from the "never eat this again" category. And I could see myself eating a Chew now and then when the hankering hit me.

The minor mystery that remains is: Why were the Mini Chews so awful? Perhaps the Minis are just made different and not as good. But the sad theory I'm leaning toward is that the Minis were not fresh. Could they have been from Halloween 2008, or even earlier? It's probably a good thing I can't recall which neighbor handed out the Minis. I think it's best if I just close this case and move on.

Nails on a Chalkboard

The kids were watching So You Think You Can Dance, a show I find repulsive. Not because of the dancers, most of whom are talented. The format of the show is annoying, with it's meager content stretched over a full hour, but that's not the worst.

It's Mary Murphy's voice. (Listen, if you dare.)

I would rather endure a car alarm or nails down a chalkboard than listen to her hideous mouth noises. She gushes in the worst possible way - loud and obnoxious.

But the nightmare is her laugh, which makes me want to shove something in my ears, say ice picks, to make it stop. It's some sort of evil cackle tragically combined with a belly laugh.

If I do something really bad, like suicide bomb an elementary school that's also a children's hospital and a church, I would fully expect to wake up in hell married to Mary Murphy. In a one-room apartment. And my arms removed so I can't plug my ears.

When the show came on I retreated to my room. I can't repel firepower of that magnitude.


UtRider said...

I'm on my third season of watching the show (certain sacrifices are required when you marry a dance major) and I can honestly say that I like and enjoy Mary Murphy. In fact, I would go so far as to say that I look forward to her yells, laughs and hot tamale express sound effects. Of course, none of this should come as any surprise to you seeing that I sold out my manliness by continuing to shave my legs this season. Speaking of which, I'm a little curious why you haven't posted any pictures of your mo. I expect great things from one who glorifies all things hairy and untamed!

MOCougFan said...

So just to be clear... you don't like her voice?

Blackdog said...

I am with you. She is a major yenta and that voice. Ice picks would be too slow.

Watcher said...

So, first off, thank you for blogging about Charleston Chews. I honestly hadn’t even thought of them in probably 25 years, and when I was a teenager they were my favorite candy bar, if only for the value: they took like 15 or 20 minutes to eat. I’m going to go find one today.

Second, I don’t know how often you’re wrong, but I’ll tell you one thing you were right about: those cheap, amazing Hong Kong lights. Got the package yesterday, rode in the dark this morning (on the helmet, still used my HID on the bar)- changed my life. Wow- talk about value. Thanks!

Lastly, I never even heard of the show, but I listened to a bit of the clip. I have about 5 female cousins who laugh more or less like that. But I’m from the Northeast, and that laugh/voice is pretty common back there.

(Now you know why I moved West.)

CB said...

Having never watched the show, this was my first exposure to Mary. Kind of a mid-west Fran Drescher in my opinion...and no...that is not a good thing.

KanyonKris said...

UtRider - Are you for real? I can see maybe, possibly, given enough exposure a person might be able to tolerate Mary Murphy without running from the room screaming. But to actually LIKE her?! You just blew my mind.

I have bad facial hair so shaving my face is a good thing, for everyone. My beard is uneven in thickness and color. Last time I tried to grow it out I looked like a mangy calico cat. So I'm passing on Movember.

MOCougFan - Your amazing powers of perception are correct: I don't like her voice.

Blackgod - Yenta, perfect. Although I must admit I had to look up that word. Glad I did as it's spot on.

Watcher - I'm glad you're happy with the lights.

I can see that style of voice being regional. I'm sure glad it's uncommon around here. I hope you'll excuse me from never wanting to meet your cousins.

CB said...

Oh yeah...and if you're a fan of the nougat, it's hard to go wrong with the Big Hunk. They now make a "Mini Hunk". A slightly smaller version of the original without the peanuts. I'm still partial to the original...peanuts and nougat = sweet goodness.

KanyonKris said...

CB - Your description pegged her voice. (Shudder)

I'll eat a Big Hunk, but not my favorite.

UtRider said...

I am totally serious about Mary Murphy. Out of the 3 judges on the show this year she's by far my favorite.

And I totally agree with Watcher about the lights. In fact, I just forwarded the email you sent me detailing the different items to my brother so he could pick up a set.

29er said...

Hmmm, it seems you left off a zero or two behind that #4. I do agree with you about Mary Murphy's voice though.

bikemike said...

i'll need about 3.5 liters of ear bleach, please.

KanyonKris said...

bikemike - If only there really was a way to un-hear some things.