The Wipe Of Comfort

I sent the video below to dug, since it's in his field, but he passed on it. Too bad, I would have enjoyed his review. So you'll have to make due with my treatment.

This video is a comic one-two punch. The left jab is the product. The right cross is the advertisement.

Here's my play-by-play highlights:

Over 100 years of scrunching and folding, yes, I'm so weary of it. What? There's a better way? And the name is Comfort Wipe, progress be praised!

"Sanitary paper extension arm and holder" - an apt description but a mouthful.

The first improvement to toilet paper since the 1880s? I think not. What about softness, perforations, quilting, scent, and mega rolls?

Love the arm extension motion, so graceful, but please don't point that thing at me.

Anatomically designed? Follows the contours of your body? I don't like where this is going, in so many senses of the phrase.

The release button, far from the business end, is a nice touch.

"Think about it. Toilet paper is really archaic and disgusting." Uh, the device still uses toilet paper. I think they meant to say "Using toilet paper by hand is really archaic and disgusting". Perhaps too graphic for the sensibilities of the target audience, who we will meet in a moment.

Ah, a modern solution - everything modern must be good.

Here's our first user - the big guy, which has it's advantages and disadvantages - say no more, really, please no more.

And the "mature woman" - love the overacting. Maintain dignity? There is no dignity being an actor in this commercial.

Wrap it up with a repeat of earlier claims, add that it assists those with loss of range of motion, another demo of the paper attach / detach function, a freebie (just pay shipping and handling, that old scam) Get A Grip, and the $50 value now just $19.99, call now.

Advertising hygiene products is tricky. People need to know what the product does to understand the value, but they don't want to be grossed out. Think of all the ways tampons have been marketed over the years. And diapers (more recently the adult kind, which Saturday Night Live lampooned). Toto tried some bold advertising with it's Washlet product (which dug reviewed - sadly the ad has been taken down), but happy bums and happy people while emphatically avoiding the nitty gritty of the product function was a mistake, in my opinion.

And owing to the Comfort Wipe ad, I don't think the short info-mercial approach does any better, unless humor is the goal.

If you really want a Comfort Wipe, Amazon (more precisely an affiliate) has them for $12. Amazon shows similar products: Bottom Buddy (ug, the name), Freedom Wand (please, stop), Self-Wipe Bathroom Toileting Aid (funky looking) , EasyWipe (a renamed Comfort Wipe?), Self Wipe Toilet Aid (dig the pistol grip - what's worse, euphemistic or descriptive names?). I had no idea there were so many of these products. Sadly, almost all of them have reviews stating they don't work very well - perhaps this isn't progress afterall.


The Donny and Marie musical Star Wars sketch below was difficult to watch. It's so cheesy I nearly vomited. The songs are brain-cell-killing moronically inane. I feel sorry for the guest "stars". And such sacrilege to the noble Star Wars. Just so awkward. Watch at your own peril - you have been warned.


bikemike said...

Kris, my guess is Dug reviewing the wand would be like Road Bike Review actually reviewing a wal-mart bike. sometimes you just gotta walk away.

Marie was/is hot/funny.

KanyonKris said...

Eh, maybe I shouldn't have even mentioned that I sent it to dug. I just honestly thought his discussion of the Comfort Wipe would have been really funny.

Wal-mart bike, eh? I'm hurt.

bikemike said...

shoot, what the heck was i thinking. Kris, you may better check on Dug, him not doing a review on anything having to do with the butt region, could be code for him being in trouble. someone may be holding his diet coke hostage.