Awful Candy

My son shared some of his Halloween candy with me this year (some he offered, some I appropriated - for his own good, you know; I helped him get that candy by walking with him so I deserve a cut).

A few weeks ago he gave me a small box of mini Charleston Chews, which had been opened. I should have known something was up. A 7 year-old giving away hard-earned Halloween candy? I unwittingly thought he was just being generous.

So I pop one of the harmless-looking balls into my mouth and chew. At first it's OK, the passable chocolate coating numbs my taste buds like the topical anesthetic the dentist uses.

Then the "nougat" center hits me. It's nasty. Calling it nougat is beyond the leeway I grudgingly afford to product marketing. The texture is marshmallow-ish, like foam rubber, and the flavor is distinctly petrochemical. Valvoline 10W40, if I'm not mistaken. And it left a bitter after-taste that would not die.

How can something this awful come from the same company that makes Tootsie Rolls? I suspect Charleston Chews are made from Tootsie Roll by-products. Probably cheaper to make industrial waste into Charleston Chews than to have the hazardous substances properly incinerated.

After taking the photo, the Chews went in the garbage. I hope the EPA doesn't find them and charge me for illegally dumping toxic chemicals or I might be a misdemean.

Peeps used to be my most reviled candy, but Charleston Chews has taken the crown from the repulsive fluorescent baby birds. You have been warned.

Update: Charleston Chews were vindicated after trying full-size bars.

Recent Happenings

I haven't blogged in a while, and I know you're anxious to hear what I've been doing, so here's the summary:

Wednesday - Good lunch ride up Corner Canyon. Started at the EQ, climbed up Canyon Hollow then came down Ghost Falls.

Thursday - Another lunch ride since the weather was still warm and a storm was coming. Started at the Coyote Hollow trail head this time. Climbed up Clarks. Wanted to go down Jamie's trail, but it was closed for resurfacing. So I went down Canyon Hollow then up and down Ghost Falls. The dark clouds threatened, but not a drop fell on me.

Friday - Picked up 50 pounds of chocolate chips from our dealer. Then went to Simply Sushi and gorged ourselves. We had 3 plates of Spicy Upside Down Shrimp nigiri, and I wanted to hurt myself by eating more, but Jolene talked me down. My favorite was the Playboy roll. I tried my first hand roll - pretty good, but the stronger nori taste and texture was kinda weird.

Saturday - The bad weather bummed me out so I vegged out watching a few movies.

Sometime during the week I finished Angels & Demons. It was pretty good, but the ending was weird and seemed forced. Several people told me they liked it better than Da Vinci Code, I say no way.

Jolene picked up two books for me at the library. James Michener's Hawaii, and Bill Bryson's In A Sunburned Country. I was surprised to see how thick Hawaii was. I flipped to the end - 1130 pages! Not sure I want an epic right now. I read the first 10 pages as Michener waxed on about the island growing from a crack in the earth until it finally broke through the waves of the mighty Pacific - uh, I think this guy is too long-winded for my taste. The last long book I read was The Pillars Of The Earth, and it was fairly good but wore me out. I can read 3-4 books in the time it would take to read Hawaii and I'd rather have the variety. I'd consider listening to it as an audiobook, but the library doesn't have it and that would be at least 2 months of commuting.

A Sunburned Country has been delightful. I thoroughly enjoyed Bryson's writing in A Short History Of Nearly Everything and he's even better with the more casual subject of traveling in Australia. I've already laughed out loud a few times.

I may have something interesting to blog about on Wednesday.


Eber said...

I LOVE peeps. Can't say I've had charleston chews, but bet I'd like them too. I am a nougat whore.

Mike J said...

Charleston Chews aren't near as bad as Sugar Babies. I think they use those at Git Bay to torture prisoners.

Blackdog said...

Send the Charleston chewes my way. By the way you are eating them all wrong. I have no idea why but they are awesome when frozen. I have to agree Angels and Deamon's has a very crappy ending. I liked the book up to about the last 15 pages.

bikemike said...

sugar babies or original power bars = root canal and crown

dug said...

you've been had. your picture clearly does NOT show mini charleston chews, those are junior mints.

chews are awesome. and this cannot have been the first time you've had a charleston chew. they might be among the original candies.

Miles: said...

I love charleston chews as long as they are chewy. I recommend the strawberry flavored chews.

KanyonKris said...

Eber - You're kidding me about the Peeps, right?

I like Sugar Babies. Sure they're just favored sugar, but isn't that the definition of candy?

dug - I wish they were Junior Mints.

I'm giving the Chews another chance, see my next post.